Guest Article by Chris Green, author of Conquering Stress
You hold a belief about yourself, about who and what you are as a unique person. I have this too, so does everybody. These beliefs are shaped by events that happen to you during the course of your life and it is the way you make sense of these events – how you assign meanings – that is so important. If you assign negative meanings, you can choose to believe you are a victim and this can have a destructive, stressful effect on your life for many, many years.
An old friend of mine is a perfect example. Life was going smoothly for him until he was forced to change jobs because the company was “streamlining”. He was assigned to a new job, he really struggled with it, he didn’t get along with his new boss who eventually moved my friend to another department, on a lower salary.
Gary changed dramatically. He was no longer a nice guy content with his life but a very angry, bitter person who deeply resented what had happened to him. He resented everybody, labelling friends as “selfish” and would snap at people over the slightest thing. Gradually his presence became unbearable and his friends, tired of the bitterness and arguing, deserted him. He had chosen to be a victim and he was taking it out on everyone. And the more he acted like a victim the more he became one.
Millions of people believe, just like my old friend Gary, that they are victims and this becomes their life. A breakdown of a relationship, the loss of a job, a serious accident, a bereavement, a change of location – whatever. Such events are a part of everyone’s lives and to keep stress at bay, it is vital you do not choose to believe they make you a victim.
Here is a gem of a stress relief technique to help you avoid believing you are a victim.
Imagine that you want a fresh new look in your living room. You want new furniture – a new sofa, a new coffee table, a new sideboard, a new carpet and a fresh new color scheme.
Before you can proceed you have to do one very important thing:
Clear out all of the old furniture and furnishings. You either sell them or take them to the dump. You cannot replace them whilst they are still in the room you cannot have your fresh new look unless the old has been removed, agreed?
It’s so obvious isn’t it? Yet what is really great about this is that it makes a super stress relief technique because you can apply the principle to your life and the events you have experienced if such events are causing you to believe you are a victim long after they have happened.
No matter what stressful event you have endured, maybe your partner has left you, a business venture collapsed, someone you love passed away, you had a bad accident or you were made redundant or someone you trusted abused your trust, whatever it is, no matter how severe, you now throw it out of your life. Dump it in the garbage and completely LET IT GO. It has hung around way too long, now let it go so you can bring in fresh, new opportunities and experiences.
I don’t care how bad an event has been for you, just let it go. Turn all of your anger at the event somewhere you won’t be disturbed and let the anger flood out of you: Cry, shout, scream at it: “IT’S OVER AND DONE WITH. I’M LETTING YOU GO THROWING YOU ON THE GARBAGE, GET OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER, I REFUSE TO BE YOUR VICTIM!”
Something I want you to bear in mind whenever life throws a stressful event at you: All the events you will face throughout your life will have one of two effects on you: They will either be a millstone or a blessing. If you allow an event to turn you into a victim it will become a millstone around your neck and make life very hard.
You have the power to choose to make each event a blessing that brings value to your life no matter how unfair or bad an event was. When you choose to make an event a blessing, you rob it of the power to make you a victim and steal precious non-renewable years from your life, just as the change of job became a millstone around Gary’s neck and made him a victim and spoiled his life.
What does Barak Obama have to do with curing depression? Let me jog your memory a bit… Not so long ago black folks were seen as scum, dirt, filth. Can you imagine the depression they went through?
I remember last Christmas, I started to feel those depression symptoms coming back. We were going to Christmas parties and getting Christmas cards from family and friends but I felt horrible. I was blah and didn’t feel like doing much. Maybe you get like this at Christmas too. Why is that?
That’s very insightful! Thank you for helping us see more than the statistics.
Chris